I was dating an older married man til his wife
It can feel like a risk since guys generally do not deal well with rejection, especially rejection in a moment of vulnerability.And I can personally admit that love can make me feel vulnerable and can bring up fears and emotions in me that are more than I’m ready to handle at a given moment.In this context, when a man expresses his love to a woman verbally, he feels as though he is committing to or promising that he will live up to some set of expectations of what a “man in love” should be.MORE: 11 Undeniable Signs He’s in Love With You For me, love feels like a lifelong commitment to the woman.But neediness is not gender-specific – guys make the mistake of being “needy” too!So I want you to know that I am putting this out there to help and inspire everyone to have more dating success, to point fingers. ” and pretty much any sentence that begins with ‘why didn’t you,’ it’s like nails on a chalkboard.I’m not saying it means I have to marry her, but it means that she has a special place in my heart and I will always do my best to be there for her regardless of how the relationship turns out (within reason).It means I am promising to be there and to be good to her – and if I break that promise, I will suffer as well.
And to others, it is far more serious than my interpretation of it – it is a single-minded commitment to lifelong partnership.
(FYI, we have a whole chapter on this in our new book “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want“) Even the kindest, most well-meaning, most empathetic guy won’t be able to satisfy a woman who acts needy the majority of the time. I would be pretty surprised if you never had a needy guy around you. Making someone else responsible for your emotions is a key ingredient in creating a toxic relationship type dynamic, so it’s very important to guard against doing that (as well as recognize when others are doing that towards you).
Could you imagine what you would want to do if that needy guy was texting you right now?
like they’re entitled to them and their partner is cruelly withholding it.
Put simply, a needy person doesn’t feel good inside and then saddles the other person with the responsibility to make them feel better… whoops, “my battery died, sorry I didn’t call you back last night.” Nobody’s perfect. When you boil it all down, neediness is not some set of behaviors. When a person takes on the belief that another person is responsible for their happiness, their sense of well-being and their sense of self-esteem, then it’s guaranteed that they’re going to act needy as a result of that mindset.I can tell you from a guy’s perspective that when a woman says things like: “Why didn’t you call? Those kinds of statements will immediately put a guy on the defensive rather than motivating him to change and he’ll probably withdraw emotionally as a result… I would say the core reason of this is that it attacks a guy’s sense of freedom and feeling of acknowledgment. Well, when a woman starts down this chain of “Why didn’t you…” it feels to a guy as if she isn’t noticing all of the other things he is doing for a relationship. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to want a relationship with all the good qualities: connection, chemistry, understanding, intimacy, attentiveness and on and on.