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So, moms & dads need to be careful not to take on anxiety that truly belongs to your youngster. Parents cannot make their youngster do the work they need to do to grow. In the spirit of counter intuitiveness, acknowledging that your youngster has the freedom and the power to make a mess of her life increases the chances that she won’t. Behavior: RAD kids tend to see only the payoff of their strategic behaviors as that is what’s immediately relevant.Consequently, they rarely have much understanding of what their behaviors may be costing them. Attempting to persuade the RAD youngster to change his mind by presenting “logical, reasonable, or “practical information”.RAD kids are highly unlikely to be influenced by reasonableness. RAD kids experience parents' frustration and anger as proof that the youngster is effectively controlling his parents' emotions. While love and parental common sense are necessary ingredients to successfully parent a youngster with attachment difficulties, they are rarely sufficient.Think of safety as converting an “un-teachable student” into a teachable one who can now start to learn the lessons of love.Safety makes love “affordable” for the RAD youngster.

Setting up experiences to make those costs real can be very effective.

Connections between triggers and feelings, between feelings and behavior, between behavior and its results, connections across time, and connections across situations are all examples.